Low Bar For Exit

Abby’s was cancelled. Last month, actually. Abby’s, if you’re not familiar, is a sitcom about an ex-marine woman who runs a bar in her backyard. It’s kind of like Cheers, where there’s a wacky assortment of regulars and hi-jinks ensue.

Abby’s is a bit different, in which Abby has a long (unspecified) list of rules that must be followed, regulars get a chance to get perks, such as having a reserved seat at the bar or having a reserved mug or glass.

I thought it was funny. I’m guessing other people did not. I really like the idea of someone running a bar in their backyard, however illegal that may be. I wish I lived in a neighborhood where someone did that.

A place I could walk to and have some drinks. Talk to people and get to the know them. Be recognized when I arrive. Get stupid drunk and then walk home again.

I imagine I could walk over, go through the gate, and everyone would look over and yell out, “Hey, Les!” And that would be great, even though that’s not my name. I wouldn’t care, though. Then I could sit down and order a beer and drink it while people asked me about my day, and I asked about theirs.

Maybe I would meet a nice woman and we would strike up a conversation. We could talk about how we were both so horrible at small talk and laugh at how funny it was. Mostly because we’d both be pretty drunk by that point. Maybe she would like me well enough to go home with me. We could spend a sweet, sweet, minute making love. Maybe two minutes.

Afterwards, we could cuddle together and talk about little things. Like, I could mention the majestic mystery of the universe and how, billions of years ago the Big Bang created all the matter in the universe and flung it out across the universe so that, billions of years later, a series of giant, hot, burning balls of gas, billions of light years away from each other, would appear in the night sky of possibly the only planet with conscious life and appear as a common kitchen utensil.

Maybe, she would say, it didn’t happen that way. Maybe, thousand of years ago, there was a cave man trying to feed his family by scooping hot soup out of a clay cauldron with his hands, thinking there had to be a better way. Then he would have looked up at the night sky, saw the Big Dipper (or even the little one), and thought, if I could make something like that, it would be way better to use that than scooping hot liquid with these burning hands. And that’s why it’s better that the stars aligned in such a way to look like a ladle and not, say, a 30-inch, five burner Frigidaire range.

Then, I would point out, if a caveman was able to put together a five burner range, then we may have flying cars and moon bases by now. But she would have fallen asleep by then, her head against my shoulder.

It’s sad that it was cancelled before the first season was finished. Sometimes a show takes a while to gel. Like Jell-O. You can’t just whip up a batch of Jell-O and eat it right away, unless you like hot, fruity, soup. No, you have to put it in the fridge and leave it for a while. So it can gel. Well, I guess if you had super cooled water you could mix it with the Jell-O powder and eat it right away. I guess it’s possible. I’ve never tried it. Some shows just come together right away, like it was mixed with super cooled water. Those, I think, aren’t as common as the ones that need time to really come together.

In fact, some long running shows were in danger of being cancelled early. Like Cheers. It came in 74th out of 77 shows during it’s first season. That sucker grew legs, though, and ran for eleven seasons. Eleven years, that show entertained people.

So it’s a damn shame this one didn’t get to sit in the fridge a bit longer.

When Things Go Bad

It turns out that writing about the shows I watch takes up a lot of time. Time that could be spent doing other things. Like, watching those shows. Because I do have a large backlog. A backlog made worse by getting sidetracked by other shows (or movies) that I a) Just found out about b) forgot about or c) was something I was supposed to watch but forgot about until just now.

I figure it’d be easier just to make a huge list and you let you folks figure it out.

There is, however, one last show I’d like to mention. After that, I will complain because at least three of the shows I watched were cancelled. Finally, I’ll end this post with thoughts about cancelling shows in the modern era.

I remember when Stacked originally aired. I remember because I saw the ad, saw Pamela Anderson, and decided that it was probably no good. This is something I regret.

Years later, I was looking around Hulu for something to watch and came across Stacked again. I figured I’d at least watch the first episode, just to see how bad it was.

I watched the entire series in one sitting. It’s not too hard, because it’s not a lot of episodes (a very short first season followed by a prematurely ended second season). I laughed so hard at times that it surprised me. The cast is, I think, perfect. Well, let me at least mention what it’s about so you can get the gist.

Skyler (Pamela Anderson), is a party girl who is having trouble with her boyfriend and decides to get a job at the book store (because it’s ‘normal’) and give up the partying life.

The bookstore is own and run by two brothers. Gavin (Elon Gold), is the uptight one. A failed author and newly divorced father of two. Stuart (Brian Scolero) is more laid back, portly, and unlucky in love.

Katrina (Marissa Jaret Winokur) is the sassy barista who runs the in-store coffee shop.

Harold (Christopher Lloyd) is a kind of anti-Jim (Taxi reference). He’s a retired scientist who spends his time drinking coffee and reading newspapers.

If you have a Hulu account, I would encourage you to at least try and watch it. It may not be your cup of tea, and that’s okay. But if it is, you’re in for a good (if short) time.

One of my favorite shows was cancelled: Whiskey Cavalier. I’ve seen it referred to as a drama and a ‘dramady.’ To me, it’s pure comedy. The other two shows are The Tick and The Cool Kids.

It gets me to thinking, though, about cancelling shows in the modern era. Like, just what should you go by when deciding to give a show the axe?

We’ve seen movies tank at the box office, but then take off on home video. In this era of TV, where you’re not necessarily forced to watch a show when it airs, makes this prospect iffy.

What if, for example, oodles of people finally finish their back log of Game of Thrones, Supernatural, or whatever and decide to stream Whiskey Cavalier and it turns into a huge hit? Then what do you do? I mean, sure, if ratings are low now, it’s not going to help you now.

But I have no idea how streaming advertising works. I mean, aside from showing you the same Enterprise commercial four times in a row (Hulu, you’ve been doing this a long time and you still can’t figure out advertising? Can’t you try to hire someone that might know what they’re doing?).

I suppose there’s no room for future thinking, though, when your paycheck relies on what’s happening right now.

A Little Backwards, A Little Foward

I mentioned before that Amazon Prime is a treasure trove of old movies and TV shows. I should mention, too, that referring to a show from the 2000s as ‘old’ sort of kills me. It wasn’t that long ago, was it? Yes. Yes it was.

One of these old shows is Black Scorpion, a show I’ve been wanting to write about for a while now. I somehow missed this when it aired on the Sci-Fi Channel (pre-SyFy) in 2001.

The Black Scorpion TV series is a continuation of two movies that Roger Corman made for Showtime in the mid- to late-1990s. They were about a woman, Darcy Walker, who was a cop by day, but at night donned a skimpy black leather outfit and doled out justice as a vigilante crime fighter after her father (also a cop) is murdered. She’s helped by a guy named Argyle (played by the awesome Garrett Morris in the films), who’s a technological genius and modifies her Corvette to turn into a badder-assed Corvette with voice control and weapons.

The only place to start with this show is with the budget. I don’t think it had one. Not in the sense where the network said, “Do what you want and we’ll write you a check.”, but rather in the way where the cast and crew had to empty their pockets and look around couch cushions for spare change. The show made heavy use of clips from the movies, even down to showing the same cop car crashes over and over. The police station is remarkably small, with a force consisting of four detectives and a chief. Sets are reminiscent of the original Batman TV show from the 1960s.

With that out of the way, it’s not a terrible show. It’s hokey and campy, sure. Several villains are created by the actions of the corrupt mayor. On the other hand, there’s a fairly equal divide of men and women villains.

Well, this one is taking forever to finish so I’m just gonna finish it. There’s actually more I’d like to write about it, though. Just not now.

Not Just A Fantasy

One of the things I forgot to mention (I think; I don’t actually read these things) about The Greatest American Hero is that they were thinking of rebooting the series not too long ago. The big difference would have been having a female hero. I think it would have been a great idea. Evidently, this was an idea they were toying with back in the late 1980s, also. If I remember the Wikipedia article correctly, at the end of the third season they had an un-aired episode where the suit would have been handed off to some woman. I’m hoping it’s in the Amazon collection I’m watching now.

Now, not all shows I watch are superhero shows. A few of them aren’t sci-fi or fantasy based. Let’s check those out.

I do watch Bull, even though I’m not sure if I’m supposed to, what with ex-NCIS star Michael Weatherly’s behavior towards Eliza Dushku. To be honest, I’m a bit surprised it’s still on.

Bull is about a guy who has a company based around the idea that you can help (or hurt) court cases by manipulating the jury selection process, hiring people who are remarkably similar to the jury members, and then monitoring those ‘clones’ to figure out how the real jury is responding to their arguments.

I guess I watch it because I like to hope that there’s somebody, somewhere, that will fight for the ‘little guy.’ Bull’s team does that. And manages to solve crimes when the police can’t. Maybe this is kind of fantasy oriented.

The Neighborhood
I can’t find a picture with everyone in it

The Neighborhood is a show I didn’t want to start watching. It just didn’t seem like something I’d be into, what with a Wonder Bread family moving into a house in a black neighborhood. But Beth Behrs is in it, so I had to give it a try.

I think it’s pretty funny most of the time. Sheuan McKinney and Marcel Spears really rock it as Cedric The Entertainer’s sons. The whole cast really works well together, though.

I don’t remember ever hearing anything about Brooklyn Nine-Nine until after it was cancelled and then resurrected on a different network (which was, if I remember correctly, the network that it was originally pitched to).

After the brouhaha, I thought I’d check it out and see what it was all about. I haven’t stopped watching it, so that’s a good sign. Watching Terry Crews talk about Terry in the third person is pure gold.

One day I had thought I had run out of things to watch, so I poked around Hulu until Superstore popped up. I’m all in favor of making fun of big box stores like Walmart, so I gave it a go.

It’s probably the only 30 minute sitcom that makes me feel equally sad and happy while watching it.

It’s like high school, only in a retirement community

The last sitcom (I think) I watch is The Cool Kids. As I get older, I guess I appreciate seeing people who are older than me still doing things. Like walking. But with a cast that includes Vicki Lawrence, David Alan Grier, Martin Mull, and Leslie Jordan, it’s hard to go wrong.

Leslie Jordan is the only one I’m not familiar with, the others I’d been watching for ages in one way or another. Anyway, the show is basically about a bunch of high school loser types, but in a retirement home and all that entails. It shows that some people can get older without ever growing up. And it’s fantastic for it.

Okay, well, this one took a long time to write so I’m going to wrap it up. There’s still a lot of shows left to go through. To make matters worse, I finally remembered about the DC Universe streaming service and the shows on that. Then Disney announced their Disney+ streaming service, which looks like it could keep me occupied for an eternity. But I’ll get to those later.

TV Overloading Explained

One person asked me to share which shows I’m actually watching. They didn’t ask in the comments, though, because very, very, very few special people comment on my posts. I think that’s enough interest to share, however.

I should also explain that the 26 shows I referenced in the last post are just the current shows that I’m watching. It doesn’t include the old or cancelled shows that I’m also going through. I’m not sure how to count that up, so I won’t.

But I should include them when I’m sharing which shows I do watch. Should I write about those first? Or last? I think I’ll do them first. There may only be two at the moment so that’ll be easy.

At this point, I’d like to point out that Amazon Prime is an absolute gold mine of old and questionable movies. By ‘questionable’, I mean movies that, as a kid, I had seen in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy section of the local video store. Movies that had titles like “Death Stalker” and featured a cover with Frank Frazetta (or Frazetta-like) illustrations of nearly naked men and women brandishing swords and fighting monsters. Movies that I was sure my dad would never, ever, let me rent. In a way, they were like mythical creatures that I could see evidence of, but never see in the flesh (so to speak).

But Amazon Prime has ’em. Forbidden World, Galaxy of Terror, The Company of Wolves, Ator, the Fighting Eagle, Galaxina, The Warrior and the Sorceress, and not just Death Stalker, but also Death Stalker II. And so much more.

So, let’s start there and with a show I turn to when I want something lighter, something without commercials.

The Greatest American Hero (believe it or not)

The Greatest American Hero is a show about a school teacher, his lawyer girlfriend, and an FBI agent. Aliens dropped off a ‘super suit’ for Ralph (the teacher) to wear, and Bill (the FBI agent) to manage. Pamela (the girlfriend) is brought in relatively early knowing about the suit. The hook is that the suit came with a set of instructions that Ralph promptly lost.

I liked the show as a kid. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve seen it since it originally aired. I’ve watched the first season so far, and aside from major plot things, didn’t remember much of it at all. I don’t think it’s aged badly, either. I still find it funny (although I find I a lot of things funny that other people don’t).

One thing I’ve been paying more attention to is the women in shows. What with things happening currently in Hollywood and other places. I’d like to mention, then, that Pam isn’t just the girlfriend. She’s also a lawyer who doesn’t take shit from anyone.

Let’s go more current for the next one.

Super

Supergirl is one of those ‘guilty pleasures’ things. Actually, almost all the shows on the CW are. The funny thing is, I’m not really a fan of DC comics in general. I’m not a Superman fan, because he seems a little overpowered to me. I figured I’d watch an episode of Supergirl, maybe two, then that would be it.

I found the show the be hysterical, though. Mostly it was due to Kara trying to get a handle on saving people and bringing physics into the game. Like, in the comics you might see Superman lift up an ocean liner. However, in the real world, his arms would go right through the hull because there’s not enough surface area to hold the weight. These are things that Supergirl learned. The hard way.

Even after she got done with the growing pains I kept on watching it because it’s sort of a soap opera. Actually, almost all the shows on the CW are.

Arrow — “Life Sentence” — Image Number: AR623b_0061.jpg — Pictured: Stephen Amell as Oliver Queen/Green Arrow — Photo: Diyah Pera/The CW — © The CW Network, LLC. All rights reserved.

Like Arrow. Originally, Olivier Queen went around and straight up murdered people with sharp flying sticks. And it was awesome, because, these days, superheroes generally try to put people in jail. So they can escape. So they can catch ’em again. It’s sort of like job security.

As the show went on, Ollie learned that killing was bad so now he doesn’t do that. Much. I guess. I mean, a lot of people get the snot beat out of them. A lot of people get shot with… maybe bullets? I’m not sure. It, too, has turned into a soap opera with capes.

Which brings us to the third soap opera: The Flash. Barry Allen is the fastest man, alive. Maybe, but probably not, because they keep adding more and more ‘speedsters’ to the mix.

He also refuses to learn any lessons, so that’s something. It’s a lot more light-hearted than The Arrow, though, and full of humorous bits so I keep on watching it.

Also, they do a crossover show every season and those are pretty epic.

The Collective Rejects

And then there’s Legends of Tomorrow, a show so off the rails that I couldn’t stop watching even if I wanted to. This show takes the cast-offs of the other shows (and at least one failed show), puts them on a ‘time ship’ and has them fix anomalies in time, when they aren’t making things worse.

Demons, wizards, killer unicorns, and a god based on a Tickle-Me-Elmo ripoff. A man screams, asking what happened to his nipple. The tough guy pyromaniac writes erotic science-fiction in his spare time. John Constantine wants a cigarette, but he can never get one lit.

This is a show that doesn’t take itself seriously and it really works. It’s a stupid show, but in a clever way that works.

I think I’ll end this one here, then. There’s still a lot more to go.

Television Overload

When I was a kid, television was pretty easy. There was a choice between NBC, CBS, or ABC. Shows came on at a certain time on a certain day. New episodes would play during the fall and winter and re-runs during the summer. The only thing that disrupted that was the occasional special during the holidays (and you knew what specials they would be, because they never changed) or a sports game. If there wasn’t anything on those three channels, maybe you had cable and HBO or something to pick up the slack. Oh, and PBS. But you only ever watched PBS late at night when Monty Python or Blake’s 7 was on. Or Dr Who. Stuff like that. Did you know that at one time TV stations went off the air at night? It’s true!

Exciting stuff!

You pretty much knew what you’d be doing on Thursday at 8:30pm. It was sort of like a visual clock. You could look at a TV and know what day and, roughly, what time it was just by seeing what show was on.

Then things got a little nuts. VCRs meant one could record a show and watch it whenever they wanted. Ted Turner added a new station, TBS, to the mix. MTV came onto the scene, bringing us some seriously goofy music videos twenty-four hours a day.

What does it mean? What does any of it mean??

Fast forward to today, where we’re living in a kind of Golden Age of Television, even though traditional TV is on its deathbed, whether it realizes it or not.

You’ve got the regular broadcasting stations, you got the million or more cable channels, and now you have more streaming options than a spawning salmon. TV shows are coming out hard and fast, and if you’re a fan of zombies, vampires, witches, sci-fi, fantasy, or comic book superheroes, then you’re living the dream.

If you can remember them all. I can’t. I actually have more shows that I want to watch than I have time to watch them. Hold on a minute and I’ll try and count them. Okay, so far I’m up to 26. Twenty-six television shows that I keep track of. There are others that I want to see, but haven’t started yet or don’t exist yet. Like, the Star Wars shows on the Disney streaming service that hasn’t started yet. Or some shows on the DC streaming service I don’t subscribe to, yet. Or maybe some Apple shows if they ever get around to it. It’s also not counting the plethora of movies I have flagged across various services.

It’s nuts.

I would complain about things like short seasons or seasons broken into two. Back in the old days, you pretty much got 22 to 23 episodes of everything. Now, a ten episode season is getting fairly common. I suspect we’ll be down to six episodes like British TV shows, eventually.

But, yeah, I would complain, but those short seasons and mid-season breaks are the only way I can really get a handle on everything. To make things slightly worse, I stream all my TV watching so I’m generally delayed by a day. If a show airs on Monday, then I don’t watch it until Tuesday. I have to keep a spreadsheet of what shows are on, when they’re on, and what channel or service has them. Otherwise I’ll forget.

I don’t have a family of my own. I won’t be spending my declining years hoping to see my grand-kids grow up and raise families of their own. Instead, I’ll be laying in a hospital bed hooked up to machines hoping I can survive long enough to see just one more science fiction show.

Either that, or hoping I make it for another Fallout or Elder Scrolls game.

Maybe in a future post I’ll tell what shows I do watch and why I watch them. Some of them may be a bit embarrassing, though. But if there’s interest, I’ll bare all.

TeleVision ///

There haven’t been a lot of movies or shows based on pen and paper role playing games. In fact, I think only Dungeons & Dragons has been made, and that was its own kind of awful. Netflix’s Bright is kind of like Shadow Run, but not really. One would think, then, that the field would be wide-open.

But why aren’t there more? I have some theories. First, they aren’t particularly well known. Everybody and their sibling knows what Dungeons & Dragons is. GURPS may be a bit less well known.

Many RPGs tend to be fantasy-based. Eventually, one fantasy world may seem similar to any other fantasy world, especially if they’ve got the same Tolkien-esque people in them (humans, elves, orcs, etc.). Even ones based on science fiction can tend to blur together.

Also, the thing with RPGs is how they work. The mechanics behind the game. Players care more about how stats are generated and manipulated throughout a game then a casual observer would be. In a film or TV show, the idea probably wouldn’t even make an appearance.

So what would be a good RPG to bring to the screen (large or small)? What would be different than all the rest?

Paranoia

 

Paranoia takes place in a post-apocalyptic world where people live in a large underground city named Alpha Complex. The city is ruled over by a computer (“The Computer”). The Computer is obsessed with the idea of being overthrown by communists. Or mutants. Or a number of things. being a communist or a mutant is treasonous. Not obeying The Computer is treasonous. Questioning The Computer is treasonous. So is being a member of a secret society.

Games of Paranoia usually revolve around a team of “troubleshooters.” These are people that go around shooting trouble for The Computer. All members of the team have a mutant power. They’re also all a member of a secret society (which may or may not be Communists).

Secret societies are generally at odds with each other.

Society in Alpha Complex is a caste society defined by colors. The colors range from Infrared (black) to Ultraviolet (white) with everything in-between following the ROY G BIV scheme. Troubleshooters must be at least Red level.

So, maybe a team of troubleshooters gets put together and handed an envelope with their orders. The envelope is marked “Top Secret: Orange clearance only.” Now, they can’t read their orders without opening the envelope (they’re all Red level) because that would be treason. They can’t really ask The Computer what the orders are because they were very clearly handed to them. The Computer doesn’t make mistakes; to imply that it does is treasonous.

Assuming they get past a snafu like that, they then have to worry about completing their mission, completing the task given to them by their secret society, stopping other members of the team from completing their secret society mission, filling out bureaucratic forms, waiting for equipment (that may or may not work), and not being accused of treason.

I think that would make for a fun and exciting show.

TeleVision ][

Since I’m on the topic (so to speak), movie adaptations of video games hasn’t had a stellar track record. There are probably numerous reasons why this is and that could take an entire article in itself.

What games might make good movies or TV shows?

Mystic Marathon

Way back in 1984, Williams Electronics released a conversion kit for a few of their games that changed them from whatever they were (Defender, Joust, Bubbles, etc.) to Mystic Marathon.

Mystic Marathon was a game involving horned, elf-like people (possibly called Benkins) participating in a foot race across several islands and the water that separated them. While the computer controlled people have horns and a full head of hair, the player controller character is balding and probably older than the others.

The point of the game, is to win the race. Or, at least, to finish in the top three positions. In Mystic Marathon, there are no lives to lose but the game ends when you don’t finish in one of the top three spots. There are a lot of things working against the player, though, which serve as a delay while the other racers zoom ahead. There are also a lot of things that can help the player get past the other players and obstacles.

Obstacles include things like living trees that throw apples at the runners (knocking them down, causing a delay), trolls that pound the runners into the ground, whirlpools and sharks, and wizards that cast a spell that make runners small (and slower).

Helpful objects are face-like caves that can move a runner from one end of a lake to the other, a dragon that a runner can slide down the back of and fly over the intervening water obstacle to another island, holes in the ground that can be beneficial (or not!), and a water sled pulled by… some sort of water horse thing. I don’t remember.

There are bonus objects like jewels that can be grabbed for more points but can also delay the player (like the pearl in a giant oyster that can snap shut at any moment).

The whole thing is very whimsical and not having to lose ‘lives’ is a nice, non-violent way of losing.

Why this game was never made into a cartoon during the 1980s is beyond me. It contains a lot of things that, I feel, lend itself perfectly to being a cartoon. Either a series or a movie. If Pac-Man could be a cartoon series, than so could this.

As a bonus, this game had a woman, Kristina Donofrio, as the lead programmer.

Fallout

There have been a couple of amateur series made of the post-apocalyptic and stuck in an alternate 1950s inspired game, Fallout. The very first game starts out with the player needing to find a ‘water chip’ to save their underground vault. I think this would make an excellent TV-MA series on HBO or Netflix or something. As long as it stays TV-MA.

If I were in charge of such a project I wouldn’t stick strictly to the games, but pick and choose different portions of different games to cover, along with creating new stories. With monsters, mutants, ghouls, and various evil humans to contend with it would be a pretty rich field for stories.

Bioshock

Bioshock, the game, takes place in a mostly abandoned underwater city named Rapture. It’s a 1930s art deco inspired place. Instead of making a movie or series about the game, as it is, I’d do one about before the tragedy occurred that left it dilapidated.

That story probably wouldn’t work well as a game, but I think it would work very well in a different medium.

Deus Ex

A world full of people who have augmented their bodies with nano technology and the non-augmented people who dislike and distrust them. I think this could work really well, as long as things didn’t get too super-powered. This is another one that wouldn’t necessarily have to follow the games storyline, but exist in the same world.

TeleVision

It seems everyone is getting in on the sci-fi/fantasy kick these days, what with Netflix and their Altered Carbon and Bright, Amazon with some weird pre-Hobbit show and Conan the Barbarian thing going on. HBO, of course, with Game of Thrones and Westworld. And probably Hulu with something.

A lot of them are based on books that I never heard of (not Tolkien and Howard, though). There’s such a huge catalog of older books, though, that are probably still ripe for the picking and I find it disappointing that they’ve never been picked up. Or, if they were, they were never finished. Or started.

I’ll list some of them even though nobody cares about what I think.

Elric of Melniboné – Michael Moorcock

Dark anti-heroes are a thing right now, and Elric has a slew of books to take material from, yet, despite some starts and stops, he’s never been on the big or small screen. There’s violence aplenty, so that should draw people.

Various – Robert Sheckley

 

Some of Sheckley’s work has been turned into movies, with The 10th Victim probably being the most known. Condorman was also his, for good or ill. Oh, and Freejack was based on his Immortality, Inc. Nobody remembers Freejack. Not even me. And I saw it in the theater.

The thing is, Sheckley was way ahead of his time and most of his stories are funny, in a dystopian kind of way. Some are rather scathing commentaries on the human condition.

He has a plethora of short stories and novels that can be used for a series like Black Mirror or Electric Dreams. It’s a shame, really, that Sheckley has been largely forgotten because, really, the man was a genius.

Even though he was writing back in the 1950s (and earlier) and 1960s, a lot of his stuff is still timely today. Stories like a kid not wanting to grow up to follow in his parents footsteps of being wizards, but dreaming to be an accountant. Or stories where people buy a lot of useless crap and pass the debt down to their children. Of drones (timely!) programmed with an AI to hunt down criminals who haven’t done anything criminal yet, just to decide to wipe out humanity and people have to design a new drone to hunt the old drones. Of two guys getting in the business of hauling wildlife on their spaceship hauler and finding out that none of them have compatible biomes.

Seriously, it’s criminal that his stories have not been used. Recently. And well. For a change.

Xanth – Piers Anthony

 

I’m going to mention this mostly because I would love to see someone try and tackle this. In a world comprised of puns (shoe trees that grow shoes and things of that nature), I think people would lose their minds trying to bring this to a visual medium.

Blue Adept — Piers Anthony

One world, two dimensions; one is all technology while the other is all fantasy. One man bops back and forth between the two working his way up the social and economic ladder on the tech side, while being a magical adept on the fantasy side. Also, there would be tons of nudity, so that should draw some viewers.

Silverlock — John Myers Myers

A rather unlikable man is cast adrift after a shipwreck and ends up in a strange land. I don’t think a movie could do this justice, but a mini-series might. It’s full of references to different legends and myths, full of songs, and is just a great read. I think it would make for a great watch if the cast were right.

Various — Alan Dean Foster

Honest to God, the man writes just about every movie novelization that exists. Hasn’t anyone tried to make a movielization (that’s a word, I’m sure) of one his books? Pip and Flinx? A boy and his mini-dragon?

The Spellsinger series where a college student/wannabe musician ends up in a fantasy land full of intelligent animals?

He’s written about a million books by now, surely somebody could find one they found interesting enough to work with.

Garrett, PI — Glen Cook

A hardboiled detective in a world with elves, humans, centaurs, faeries, trolls, and the occasional god. In a fantasy setting. Surely this is enticing to someone out there?

Of course, some folks might not want their writing turned into TV or movies, and that’s all right. I guess. I suppose it’s possible at least one of these has been made into a movie, but it obviously wasn’t good (Sheckley) or was a long time ago (Sheckley, again). I say give it another try.

On The Air {Kill Your Television}

     There is something to be said for knowing that, around the country, nearly everyone is watching the same show on television that you are. That tomorrow you’ll all have something to talk about. In a couple of days or so there will be another show that everyone watches and discusses. Maybe there’s something about the entire family gathering around the tube on Thursday night at 8 o’clock (7 central/6 mountain). It is family time, together time.

     I’d like to say that the Internet ruined that but it was starting to break down long before that. It started back when VCRs came along with the ability to program a time and date to record a program. Then people realized that maybe they didn’t want to sit around home on a Friday night at 8 o’clock to watch a TV show. No, they’d rather be out getting drunk. There wasn’t any reason not to have fun when you could go back and watch the show later. You couldn’t save having fun with people.

     The Internet didn’t start it, but it’s making it way easier to get people to realize that they’d rather do things on their own schedule rather than a broadcaster mandated time and date. Unfortunately, broadcasters are a little slow to catch up to the times.

     I think it’s great when CBS, or whoever, starts to do things online instead of, or along side of, their over the air broadcasting. I don’t even mind watching commercials if I don’t have to pay for the service. I also think that the networks can get a better idea of which shows are being watched and which aren’t. Most of all, though, shows that deserve to succeed aren’t saddled with a bad time slot.

     Sometimes I wonder how many shows would have had a longer run had people been able to choose when they watched it rather than having to be in front of a TV when it wasn’t quite convenient for them. How many shows in FOX’s “Friday Night Death Slot” would have stuck around longer?

     Television, as I knew it growing up, is definitely on the way out. A part of me remembers watching M*A*S*H and Sledgehammer, and The Cosby Show with family and knowing that friends were watching the same show and having that knit us together just a little bit tighter. I guess I miss that, but it’s a new world. A different world.