When Things Go Bad

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It turns out that writing about the shows I watch takes up a lot of time. Time that could be spent doing other things. Like, watching those shows. Because I do have a large backlog. A backlog made worse by getting sidetracked by other shows (or movies) that I a) Just found out about b) forgot about or c) was something I was supposed to watch but forgot about until just now.

I figure it’d be easier just to make a huge list and you let you folks figure it out.

There is, however, one last show I’d like to mention. After that, I will complain because at least three of the shows I watched were cancelled. Finally, I’ll end this post with thoughts about cancelling shows in the modern era.

I remember when Stacked originally aired. I remember because I saw the ad, saw Pamela Anderson, and decided that it was probably no good. This is something I regret.

Years later, I was looking around Hulu for something to watch and came across Stacked again. I figured I’d at least watch the first episode, just to see how bad it was.

I watched the entire series in one sitting. It’s not too hard, because it’s not a lot of episodes (a very short first season followed by a prematurely ended second season). I laughed so hard at times that it surprised me. The cast is, I think, perfect. Well, let me at least mention what it’s about so you can get the gist.

Skyler (Pamela Anderson), is a party girl who is having trouble with her boyfriend and decides to get a job at the book store (because it’s ‘normal’) and give up the partying life.

The bookstore is own and run by two brothers. Gavin (Elon Gold), is the uptight one. A failed author and newly divorced father of two. Stuart (Brian Scolero) is more laid back, portly, and unlucky in love.

Katrina (Marissa Jaret Winokur) is the sassy barista who runs the in-store coffee shop.

Harold (Christopher Lloyd) is a kind of anti-Jim (Taxi reference). He’s a retired scientist who spends his time drinking coffee and reading newspapers.

If you have a Hulu account, I would encourage you to at least try and watch it. It may not be your cup of tea, and that’s okay. But if it is, you’re in for a good (if short) time.

One of my favorite shows was cancelled: Whiskey Cavalier. I’ve seen it referred to as a drama and a ‘dramady.’ To me, it’s pure comedy. The other two shows are The Tick and The Cool Kids.

It gets me to thinking, though, about cancelling shows in the modern era. Like, just what should you go by when deciding to give a show the axe?

We’ve seen movies tank at the box office, but then take off on home video. In this era of TV, where you’re not necessarily forced to watch a show when it airs, makes this prospect iffy.

What if, for example, oodles of people finally finish their back log of Game of Thrones, Supernatural, or whatever and decide to stream Whiskey Cavalier and it turns into a huge hit? Then what do you do? I mean, sure, if ratings are low now, it’s not going to help you now.

But I have no idea how streaming advertising works. I mean, aside from showing you the same Enterprise commercial four times in a row (Hulu, you’ve been doing this a long time and you still can’t figure out advertising? Can’t you try to hire someone that might know what they’re doing?).

I suppose there’s no room for future thinking, though, when your paycheck relies on what’s happening right now.

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A Little Backwards, A Little Foward

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I mentioned before that Amazon Prime is a treasure trove of old movies and TV shows. I should mention, too, that referring to a show from the 2000s as ‘old’ sort of kills me. It wasn’t that long ago, was it? Yes. Yes it was.

One of these old shows is Black Scorpion, a show I’ve been wanting to write about for a while now. I somehow missed this when it aired on the Sci-Fi Channel (pre-SyFy) in 2001.

The Black Scorpion TV series is a continuation of two movies that Roger Corman made for Showtime in the mid- to late-1990s. They were about a woman, Darcy Walker, who was a cop by day, but at night donned a skimpy black leather outfit and doled out justice as a vigilante crime fighter after her father (also a cop) is murdered. She’s helped by a guy named Argyle (played by the awesome Garrett Morris in the films), who’s a technological genius and modifies her Corvette to turn into a badder-assed Corvette with voice control and weapons.

The only place to start with this show is with the budget. I don’t think it had one. Not in the sense where the network said, “Do what you want and we’ll write you a check.”, but rather in the way where the cast and crew had to empty their pockets and look around couch cushions for spare change. The show made heavy use of clips from the movies, even down to showing the same cop car crashes over and over. The police station is remarkably small, with a force consisting of four detectives and a chief. Sets are reminiscent of the original Batman TV show from the 1960s.

With that out of the way, it’s not a terrible show. It’s hokey and campy, sure. Several villains are created by the actions of the corrupt mayor. On the other hand, there’s a fairly equal divide of men and women villains.

Well, this one is taking forever to finish so I’m just gonna finish it. There’s actually more I’d like to write about it, though. Just not now.

Not Just A Fantasy

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One of the things I forgot to mention (I think; I don’t actually read these things) about The Greatest American Hero is that they were thinking of rebooting the series not too long ago. The big difference would have been having a female hero. I think it would have been a great idea. Evidently, this was an idea they were toying with back in the late 1980s, also. If I remember the Wikipedia article correctly, at the end of the third season they had an un-aired episode where the suit would have been handed off to some woman. I’m hoping it’s in the Amazon collection I’m watching now.

Now, not all shows I watch are superhero shows. A few of them aren’t sci-fi or fantasy based. Let’s check those out.

I do watch Bull, even though I’m not sure if I’m supposed to, what with ex-NCIS star Michael Weatherly’s behavior towards Eliza Dushku. To be honest, I’m a bit surprised it’s still on.

Bull is about a guy who has a company based around the idea that you can help (or hurt) court cases by manipulating the jury selection process, hiring people who are remarkably similar to the jury members, and then monitoring those ‘clones’ to figure out how the real jury is responding to their arguments.

I guess I watch it because I like to hope that there’s somebody, somewhere, that will fight for the ‘little guy.’ Bull’s team does that. And manages to solve crimes when the police can’t. Maybe this is kind of fantasy oriented.

The Neighborhood
I can’t find a picture with everyone in it

The Neighborhood is a show I didn’t want to start watching. It just didn’t seem like something I’d be into, what with a Wonder Bread family moving into a house in a black neighborhood. But Beth Behrs is in it, so I had to give it a try.

I think it’s pretty funny most of the time. Sheuan McKinney and Marcel Spears really rock it as Cedric The Entertainer’s sons. The whole cast really works well together, though.

I don’t remember ever hearing anything about Brooklyn Nine-Nine until after it was cancelled and then resurrected on a different network (which was, if I remember correctly, the network that it was originally pitched to).

After the brouhaha, I thought I’d check it out and see what it was all about. I haven’t stopped watching it, so that’s a good sign. Watching Terry Crews talk about Terry in the third person is pure gold.

One day I had thought I had run out of things to watch, so I poked around Hulu until Superstore popped up. I’m all in favor of making fun of big box stores like Walmart, so I gave it a go.

It’s probably the only 30 minute sitcom that makes me feel equally sad and happy while watching it.

It’s like high school, only in a retirement community

The last sitcom (I think) I watch is The Cool Kids. As I get older, I guess I appreciate seeing people who are older than me still doing things. Like walking. But with a cast that includes Vicki Lawrence, David Alan Grier, Martin Mull, and Leslie Jordan, it’s hard to go wrong.

Leslie Jordan is the only one I’m not familiar with, the others I’d been watching for ages in one way or another. Anyway, the show is basically about a bunch of high school loser types, but in a retirement home and all that entails. It shows that some people can get older without ever growing up. And it’s fantastic for it.

Okay, well, this one took a long time to write so I’m going to wrap it up. There’s still a lot of shows left to go through. To make matters worse, I finally remembered about the DC Universe streaming service and the shows on that. Then Disney announced their Disney+ streaming service, which looks like it could keep me occupied for an eternity. But I’ll get to those later.

TV Overloading Explained

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One person asked me to share which shows I’m actually watching. They didn’t ask in the comments, though, because very, very, very few special people comment on my posts. I think that’s enough interest to share, however.

I should also explain that the 26 shows I referenced in the last post are just the current shows that I’m watching. It doesn’t include the old or cancelled shows that I’m also going through. I’m not sure how to count that up, so I won’t.

But I should include them when I’m sharing which shows I do watch. Should I write about those first? Or last? I think I’ll do them first. There may only be two at the moment so that’ll be easy.

At this point, I’d like to point out that Amazon Prime is an absolute gold mine of old and questionable movies. By ‘questionable’, I mean movies that, as a kid, I had seen in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy section of the local video store. Movies that had titles like “Death Stalker” and featured a cover with Frank Frazetta (or Frazetta-like) illustrations of nearly naked men and women brandishing swords and fighting monsters. Movies that I was sure my dad would never, ever, let me rent. In a way, they were like mythical creatures that I could see evidence of, but never see in the flesh (so to speak).

But Amazon Prime has ’em. Forbidden World, Galaxy of Terror, The Company of Wolves, Ator, the Fighting Eagle, Galaxina, The Warrior and the Sorceress, and not just Death Stalker, but also Death Stalker II. And so much more.

So, let’s start there and with a show I turn to when I want something lighter, something without commercials.

The Greatest American Hero (believe it or not)

The Greatest American Hero is a show about a school teacher, his lawyer girlfriend, and an FBI agent. Aliens dropped off a ‘super suit’ for Ralph (the teacher) to wear, and Bill (the FBI agent) to manage. Pamela (the girlfriend) is brought in relatively early knowing about the suit. The hook is that the suit came with a set of instructions that Ralph promptly lost.

I liked the show as a kid. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve seen it since it originally aired. I’ve watched the first season so far, and aside from major plot things, didn’t remember much of it at all. I don’t think it’s aged badly, either. I still find it funny (although I find I a lot of things funny that other people don’t).

One thing I’ve been paying more attention to is the women in shows. What with things happening currently in Hollywood and other places. I’d like to mention, then, that Pam isn’t just the girlfriend. She’s also a lawyer who doesn’t take shit from anyone.

Let’s go more current for the next one.

Super

Supergirl is one of those ‘guilty pleasures’ things. Actually, almost all the shows on the CW are. The funny thing is, I’m not really a fan of DC comics in general. I’m not a Superman fan, because he seems a little overpowered to me. I figured I’d watch an episode of Supergirl, maybe two, then that would be it.

I found the show the be hysterical, though. Mostly it was due to Kara trying to get a handle on saving people and bringing physics into the game. Like, in the comics you might see Superman lift up an ocean liner. However, in the real world, his arms would go right through the hull because there’s not enough surface area to hold the weight. These are things that Supergirl learned. The hard way.

Even after she got done with the growing pains I kept on watching it because it’s sort of a soap opera. Actually, almost all the shows on the CW are.

Arrow — “Life Sentence” — Image Number: AR623b_0061.jpg — Pictured: Stephen Amell as Oliver Queen/Green Arrow — Photo: Diyah Pera/The CW — © The CW Network, LLC. All rights reserved.

Like Arrow. Originally, Olivier Queen went around and straight up murdered people with sharp flying sticks. And it was awesome, because, these days, superheroes generally try to put people in jail. So they can escape. So they can catch ’em again. It’s sort of like job security.

As the show went on, Ollie learned that killing was bad so now he doesn’t do that. Much. I guess. I mean, a lot of people get the snot beat out of them. A lot of people get shot with… maybe bullets? I’m not sure. It, too, has turned into a soap opera with capes.

Which brings us to the third soap opera: The Flash. Barry Allen is the fastest man, alive. Maybe, but probably not, because they keep adding more and more ‘speedsters’ to the mix.

He also refuses to learn any lessons, so that’s something. It’s a lot more light-hearted than The Arrow, though, and full of humorous bits so I keep on watching it.

Also, they do a crossover show every season and those are pretty epic.

The Collective Rejects

And then there’s Legends of Tomorrow, a show so off the rails that I couldn’t stop watching even if I wanted to. This show takes the cast-offs of the other shows (and at least one failed show), puts them on a ‘time ship’ and has them fix anomalies in time, when they aren’t making things worse.

Demons, wizards, killer unicorns, and a god based on a Tickle-Me-Elmo ripoff. A man screams, asking what happened to his nipple. The tough guy pyromaniac writes erotic science-fiction in his spare time. John Constantine wants a cigarette, but he can never get one lit.

This is a show that doesn’t take itself seriously and it really works. It’s a stupid show, but in a clever way that works.

I think I’ll end this one here, then. There’s still a lot more to go.


Television Overload

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When I was a kid, television was pretty easy. There was a choice between NBC, CBS, or ABC. Shows came on at a certain time on a certain day. New episodes would play during the fall and winter and re-runs during the summer. The only thing that disrupted that was the occasional special during the holidays (and you knew what specials they would be, because they never changed) or a sports game. If there wasn’t anything on those three channels, maybe you had cable and HBO or something to pick up the slack. Oh, and PBS. But you only ever watched PBS late at night when Monty Python or Blake’s 7 was on. Or Dr Who. Stuff like that. Did you know that at one time TV stations went off the air at night? It’s true!

Exciting stuff!

You pretty much knew what you’d be doing on Thursday at 8:30pm. It was sort of like a visual clock. You could look at a TV and know what day and, roughly, what time it was just by seeing what show was on.

Then things got a little nuts. VCRs meant one could record a show and watch it whenever they wanted. Ted Turner added a new station, TBS, to the mix. MTV came onto the scene, bringing us some seriously goofy music videos twenty-four hours a day.

What does it mean? What does any of it mean??

Fast forward to today, where we’re living in a kind of Golden Age of Television, even though traditional TV is on its deathbed, whether it realizes it or not.

You’ve got the regular broadcasting stations, you got the million or more cable channels, and now you have more streaming options than a spawning salmon. TV shows are coming out hard and fast, and if you’re a fan of zombies, vampires, witches, sci-fi, fantasy, or comic book superheroes, then you’re living the dream.

If you can remember them all. I can’t. I actually have more shows that I want to watch than I have time to watch them. Hold on a minute and I’ll try and count them. Okay, so far I’m up to 26. Twenty-six television shows that I keep track of. There are others that I want to see, but haven’t started yet or don’t exist yet. Like, the Star Wars shows on the Disney streaming service that hasn’t started yet. Or some shows on the DC streaming service I don’t subscribe to, yet. Or maybe some Apple shows if they ever get around to it. It’s also not counting the plethora of movies I have flagged across various services.

It’s nuts.

I would complain about things like short seasons or seasons broken into two. Back in the old days, you pretty much got 22 to 23 episodes of everything. Now, a ten episode season is getting fairly common. I suspect we’ll be down to six episodes like British TV shows, eventually.

But, yeah, I would complain, but those short seasons and mid-season breaks are the only way I can really get a handle on everything. To make things slightly worse, I stream all my TV watching so I’m generally delayed by a day. If a show airs on Monday, then I don’t watch it until Tuesday. I have to keep a spreadsheet of what shows are on, when they’re on, and what channel or service has them. Otherwise I’ll forget.

I don’t have a family of my own. I won’t be spending my declining years hoping to see my grand-kids grow up and raise families of their own. Instead, I’ll be laying in a hospital bed hooked up to machines hoping I can survive long enough to see just one more science fiction show.

Either that, or hoping I make it for another Fallout or Elder Scrolls game.

Maybe in a future post I’ll tell what shows I do watch and why I watch them. Some of them may be a bit embarrassing, though. But if there’s interest, I’ll bare all.


Play With Power

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So I ordered a new power supply unit for my computer. Then I took a day to disconnect the hundred or so wires that’s attached to it, dragged it out of its hidey-hole, and opened it up. That’s where the fun begins. After that, it’s a matter of disconnecting all the places the PSU connects to and taking those wires out.

It was a lot easier in the days when one wire went to the motherboard, one went to the floppy, one went to a hard drive, and one went to the CD-ROM (if there was one). The hardest bit was the actual switch, which could be easy or difficult depending on the case.

Now it’s a lot different. There are at least two that go to the motherboard, at least one to the video card, and one or more to different hard drives. Then there are various extenders, splitters, or converters that may be needed for different case and/or cooling fans. But at least the power switch isn’t a problem, anymore.

Anyway, I ripped out the old wires and old unit. I screwed in the new one, re-routed cables, plugged stuff in, and then closed her up to give it a test drive.

It didn’t fix anything. Worse, I forgot to plug power into the Blu-Ray drive. Because there’s always one thing you have to forget to do.

So, I went back to my original problem of trying to figure out if I wanted upgrade and replace all the guts (minus the power supply, now) or just buy a computer and save myself the time and hassle.

Anyone who knows me (which is becoming less and less of a thing), knows what it a hoot it is for me to make a decision with anything involving one large lump of money. It takes forever. There are pros and cons to be weighed. Imaginary emergencies that may or may not happen that need to be accounted for. Finally, coming to a decision means… making more decisions.

In this case, if I decided, resolutely, to just buy a new computer, then which one would it be? Dell, HP, or Lenovo? Asus, Corsair, or CyberPower? Should it be an Intel build, or an AMD? The only thing I knew, is that I wanted a smaller case.

Which, by the way, led to the decision to just buy one. It doesn’t seem like anyone makes “desktop” style cases, anymore. They’re all “towers” of some kind. Perhaps I should say “pizza box” style cases. Maybe both.

A Desktop Computer

“Pizza Box” style

So, making my own “small” computer would require fussing with a mini- or micro-ATX board or a mid-size tower case. Or whatever. I’m already tired just thinking about it.

The Alienware (Dell) Area-51 was in the running, just because it looks so damn neat. In the end, I decided against it because I’m pretty sure you’re paying over $1,000 for that case.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I ended up buying a computer. And it’s OK. Technically, it’s better than what I had. I should be ecstatic, I guess. I finally plunked down the money for a new computer (even though it’s not a 5K iMac).

In a way, though, it’s not the same feeling of accomplishment as putting one together, though, and fighting through all the stuff that goes on with it. On the other hand, my VR stuff works a hell of a lot better than it did. Probably even better than if I had gone through the motions. At least all this stuff was fully tested before I got it.

This has gone on long enough, though, and was supposed to go up last month. I guess I won’t manage one post a month at this rate. At least April will be covered! Maybe I’ll go crazy and post twice this month.

Grab The De-Feb


I was hoping to write at least one post a month. That means I’m running out of time so what you’re going to get is a filler post. A post about nothing. Empty space. Except for this part.

To be fair to me, though (because I am me and I deserve it), I’m actually planning a post. I’m taking notes and everything. It will be a first for this page because, mostly, I just write crap off the cuff.

Hopefully it’ll turn out good because I’m actually putting effort into it. Even more hopefully, I won’t lose interest in it and forget about it.

Hey, I have an idea. So this won’t be a complete wash I’ll tell you all about my computer problem. I have several computers, and they all have a problem in one form or another, but this one is about my main computer. The one that does the heavy lifting of gaming, VR gaming, TV watching, and anything else that doesn’t involved real work.

It is primarily a Windows 10 rig. It’s also old. I put it together sometime around March and April of 2012. That makes it almost seven years old. The only thing that’s been replaced in it has been the video card. Really, it’s time for an upgrade but I’m having trouble justifying that because it still works. Mostly.

Anyway, the problem started about a year ago when I pushed the button to turn it on. It started to whirl to life and then shut itself off. I turned it on again and it briefly started before promptly shutting itself off again. I turned off the power at the power supply, used some canned air on the insides to make sure something wasn’t overheating, and then left it for a while.

When I came back, I turned it all back on and it worked again. For about six months. Then then the same thing happened. I opened it up and blew air through it again and tried to turn it on. It came on briefly then shut down. So, maybe dust wasn’t the issue. I turned it off at the power supply again and left it for a few hours. Turning it back on worked again. For a few months.

So, that was weird. I’d never heard of a power supply going for months on end just shutting down and needing to be turned off. I guess the capacitors need to drain or something.

Then I tried playing a game in virtual reality. It worked for a few minutes and then the computer shut itself off. This was no good. I turned it back on and there was a message saying the CPU was overheating. I checked to make sure the liquid cooling pump was still pumping, which it was.

Then I tried playing a non-VR game. Again, the computer just died after a while. But I wasn’t sure the CPU was actually overheating at that point. On the advice of a friend, I installed some monitoring software that would log the CPU temperature every few seconds, fire up another game, and, after the computer shut off, I’d look through it and see that the CPU was not, in fact, overheating at all.

So I’m guessing it’s all down to the power supply. So that’s going to be replaced, and I’m not looking forward to it. I’ll have to yank out all the wires and re-thread them through the case and it’s going to be a nuisance.

Play That Funky Music

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I have Amazon Prime. One of the many things that gets me is music. A lot of music. I used to use the Amazon Prime music thing quite a bit. Then, on a lark, I subscribed to Apple Music because there was a free period. And then I never discontinued it because I use it a lot. Like, every day. On the way to work and on the way home.

Subscription music has been good to me. It’s allowed me to listen to things I wouldn’t normally listen to because I don’t have to pay for something to find out it’s crap. I mean, I’m paying for it, but it’s not like I’m dropping $10 on an album to find out I don’t like it. Okay, I know we don’t really have albums anymore. And I have no idea how much a CD costs anymore because I haven’t bought one in several years.

Lately, I’ve been having fun by creating playlists of music using Billboard’s year-end Top 100 lists. I’ve made lists for 1976 through 1987. I even share these lists and, while I can’t get actual numbers, they’ve been used by a lot of different people. I feel like I’m contributing, finally, to the Internet.

Anyway, it’s like a game to me. I made a list and then I listen to it on my way to work in the mornings. The first time through a list, I listen to everything. No matter how much I may hate it. And, for me, there’s a lot to hate during the 70’s, because I’m not a big disco or country fan.

I can’t give you a good reason why I do this, I just remember listening to the radio in the car as a kid and sometimes I come upon a song I hadn’t heard since I was a kid. And finding out it was by someone I’m familiar with makes it kind of fun in a “I didn’t know they did that song!” kind of way.

There are some unintended consequences, though. One of those is Ace Frehley’s “Back In The New York Groove.” A song that, despite everything I’ve tried, I can’t get out of my head. Worse, it’s started showing up everywhere. Like on TV.

Now you can suffer, too.

It’s gotten so bad, that last night I had a dream where I was in a futuristic “smart” house and wanted to hear the song, but the house computer wouldn’t play it. Then Michelle Hurd was in it, walking along a rocky ocean shore while a giant Michelle Hurd walked into the ocean. I don’t know what that has to do with anything, but I suspect they’re related. Somehow.

Sure, it could be worse. I could be stuck with “Disco Duck” or something.

A New Year


When the new year started, I thought I would try to write a blog post every day, no matter how banal or insipid it might be. In the grand tradition of New Year’s Resolutions, it was dumped before it even started. As you can see, it’s already January 9th and I haven’t done anything.

Maybe one a day is a bit ambitious? I could try for once a week, but we’re already on the second week of January. Still, it’s not too late to try. More realistically, I should try for once a month.

Either way, this is my way of saying Happy New Year to everyone. I hope it’s good and fruitful for all. I’m pretty sure it’ll be the same old stuff for me, though. Just like it has been in the past. I am not a particularly positive person, some may think, but I am ever hopeful.

There are some things I would like to get done this year. I’d like to get out with the camera more, for one thing. Last year, I barely went anywhere. I never really post my pictures on here, either. I’m not really sure why. Maybe that should change.

Although, I do have my own domain that I also have WordPress on. I’ve been toying with the idea of moving over to that rather than this blog. But there’s so much history on here, I’m finding that hard to do. I thought about using the other blog for something else and that’s laughable; if I can’t think of anything to post on here, why would I need an entirely new blog to not post anything on?

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From a park in Georgetown, TX

One never knows, though. Maybe life will get better and I’ll feel like writing again. Or getting out and doing something worthy of taking pictures of. If there’s one thing that keeps me going, it’s the thought that tomorrow is a new day and there’s no telling what will happen.

Bug

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A few months ago my apartment building was painted. Now it’s sort of a more white than a gross looking orange. In fact, it’s kind of bright but still not a pure white. They painted the building with spray gun things. It’s important to note that the apartment door is set in a wall that’s angled. Because God forbid there should be a square or a rectangle around here. And, because it’s in an angled wall, there’s another wall immediately to the left that goes to the front of the building. In that wall is another door that leads to an outdoor closet.

The other day I went out to sit on my patio because it was one of those nice days that crop up in Texas where it’s not too hot and not too cold. When I walked out I noticed that was a weird thing sitting on the closet door frame where I could see it as I walked out the door. I wasn’t sure what it was and decided not to investigate.

I went out several times that day, sitting at my bistro table and gazing out over the roof the building across the way. My eyes, though, were always drawn back to that thing on the door frame.

A couple of days later, I decided to take a slightly closer look. It turned out, it was some kind of bug. It wasn’t moving and had been in the same place for days, so I figured it was kind of dead. It also looked like parts of it were the same color as the building.

I thought, then, that it had been there when the painters had done their thing and just sprayed the little fella with paint and stuck it to the door frame.

It bothered me, though. I’m not a fan of bugs, but it bothered me that the poor thing had been sprayed with paint and stuck in place. I wasn’t sure if that was a quick death or not. I assumed not, and that it had gone hungry, or whatever, before finally giving up the ghost.

It also bothered me that I hadn’t noticed it being there, the more than several times I had left the apartment and looked at that exact spot.

Some people find it hilarious that I’m afraid of bugs. Like, all bugs. “You’re a big guy! Why are you afraid of a little bug!” they laugh. The thing is, to me, bugs are fucking alien. They’re like small robots with their own programming and everything. They weird me out in ways I cannot even begin to describe.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t feel bad for the things when something unfortunate happens. And I stared at that unfortunate thing for weeks. Weather went from hot to cold to warm to hot to cold to hot to cold to rain to wind to hot to cold. And the carcass just stuck there.

I thought about getting the broom and knocking it off, but I didn’t really want to get that close to it, even if it was dead.

Which is why I was a little surprised when I was sitting at the bistro table and noticed movement. It was windy, so I figured the wind was moving it’s limbs around. But the more I stared at it, the more I realized that, no, the bug was alive.

And then I felt worse. Because the thing had been stuck there for months and was, it appeared, still alive. I started thinking that maybe I could unstick the poor fella but I felt I’d probably end up just tearing legs off or part of it’s carapace or something. I’d probably be doing more damage than good. Of course, I could just kill it outright and put it out of it’s misery. I didn’t, but I could have.

Fairly recently, I was out there again. And I looked at my little friend to see what it was up to. It was up to about a foot higher than it had been. And still climbing. It wasn’t stuck at all. It was just slowly moving up the side of the door frame. And, of course, I watched it. I would look at my phone for a second, then stare at this bug for ten. Because you gotta keep your eyes on those things. Take your eyes off, and that slow moving bug will turn into greased lightening, run down the side of the building, across the patio, and then climb straight up the inside of my pants leg. Obviously.

The next day it was gone. I looked everywhere. Especially directly above the apartment door, where it could drop down like a ninja onto my head when I stepped out of the apartment. But, no, it was gone.

And then a couple of days later, it wasn’t. Wasn’t gone, that is. It’s now sitting up in the far corner of the roof. And has been for days. Just sitting there.

Watching me.