Usually it’s on the weekends that I’ll look at the apartment and all the crap that somehow accumulates and I’ll start to feel real frustrated. Not just with bric-a-brac, but with everything. Life, junk, annoyances… Everything. I’ll want to put everything I own in a trash bag and chuck it out. Start over. Get a new apartment, get new (and attractive) cooking stuff, buy real furniture.
I never knew, really, what my life was going to be like. I guess I had thought it would be kind of normal. Meet a girl, get married, have kids, live in a house, worry about family stuff.
None of that ever happened, though. I mean, I was married (twice), I had kids (not of my gene pool, though), lived in a house and, boy, did I worry about family stuff. It still wasn’t was I was expecting my life to be about.
The end result is that I feel mostly frustrated with life. I’m not exactly doing the work that I thought, or hoped, I would be doing. My personal life doesn’t actually exist. People ask me what I do for fun and I honestly don’t have anything to tell them. I go to parks to take pictures. That’s all I have.
Yet, somehow, I have an apartment that’s cluttered with a lot of crap. A lot of it is old crap; stuff that should probably be thrown away but it’s too difficult to part with. Objects contain memories and I’m not ready to let those go. It may be that I never will.
Some of it is new crap. I can’t explain how it got there other than it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And I look at it all and wish I could work up the enthusiasm to just get rid of it all. I realize the best way of doing this would be to hire someone and tell them to get rid of everything. Don’t even ask me if I want it; just take it and put it in the bin.
Which would be an incredibly bad thing to do on account of there being things I would just like to keep, obviously. Like the TV. And the XBox. And stuff like that.
Maybe one day I’ll take out an ad on Craigslist or something and see if I can find someone to haul off a bunch of stuff. It sounds like a good idea as long as nobody comes back to take the stuff I didn’t want to get rid of.