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There I was, driving down the road while listening to music and taking quick glances at the GPS. Suddenly I start to panic! I think I forgot my phone. I do a mental inventory. Then I realize that I’m using my phone to play music and act as a GPS. That’s not the first time it’s happened. Sometimes I’ll be driving and start wondering if I left my car keys behind. I’d like to say this is a new development  and that I’m going senile, but it’s been going on for a long, long time. I’m probably just an idjit.
I’ve never liked those infomercials that show people completely unable to do even the simplest tasks. You know the ones. Someone is trying to hang a picture and puts a hammer through the wall. Or someone finds stirring a pot of soup to be too difficult so stuff goes flying out of the pot. Surely no one could ever be that incompetent. 
Last night I was in the mood for some Ranch Style Beans. I put the can under the can opener, which is the kind that cuts around the rim so you don’t cut your fingers on a jagged lid. It turns out, though, that for some reason the can didn’t open all the way so I ended up with a bunch of bean fluid on my hands. I tried prying up the lid but it wouldn’t go very far. So I put it back in the can opener and tried to re-open the parts that weren’t destroyed. That didn’t work, either. Finally, I took a knife and wedged it in the can and pried up the lid far enough to get some beans out. By the time I was done there was bean juice all over my clothes and the stove.
So, there you go.