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So. Where the Hell have I been? That’s a good question. First, I’ll get to the good news. What there is of it.

I’m still writing. And… the rest of the bad news about that will follow. I’m still using Scrivener, although I’ve been using the Mac Mini more than the MacBook. I have to say, I’m damned glad I got the Mini. Usually it sits around doing nothing, being basically a VPN server for when I’m out at Starbucks. But I’ve been using it a lot to do my writing and I have to say, I like the little guy. It’s not especially speedy (I got the low end model) but OS X is a really nice environment. I miss typing on the mechanical keyboard I have for the Windows PC, but I can’t get Scrivener to load my writing project, so it’s kind of a bust. I could hook the keyboard to the Mini, but they’re too far apart. So I do the typing on the Apple wireless keyboard. I’m getting used to it, since it’s nearly identical to the MacBook keyboard, but, still, I don’t feel like a writer unless I’m clacking away on the mechanical one.

And that’s the good news. The bad news is that I spent most of the past week being sick. Really sick. Sicker than I have been in years, sick. Sick enough that people at work were calling me to make sure I was still alive because I never use sick days.

When I was awake I tried to do some writing, but it was very difficult. Even now, I’m finding it really hard to keep going with my story. A lot of that is my fault. I found out that there’s someone else out in NaNoWriMo-land doing something similar so I have lost a lot of steam to that. Besides that, I think I have too many characters to control. And I don’t really like my main character. That’s probably because he’s a lot like me. Sometimes I think about dropping him down a deep hole and switching focus to a different character who is modeled after a bartender I met.

See, even this blog, which I’ve been typing for about five minutes, is already longer than what I spent three hours writing for my story this morning. I don’t see that being a good thing. Sometimes I feel like I should just shelve it and quit because that’s the loser that I am. I’m not an author, I’m not a writer, I’m just a guy who happened to be good at fixing computers. Like the child who wanted to be an astronaut when he grew up and turned out being an insurance salesman, I wanted to be a writer. It’s just not something that’s going to happen. The ideas don’t flow, the characters are flat, the plots are ridiculous, and I guess I just don’t have the drive to put anything down on paper convinced that anything I do is even remotely passable as good.

Certainly not with that attitude. So, onward I go, struggling to get the words out. No matter how bad or crappy. And, for the love of God, can someone please tell me why WordPress thinks “2011 Big East Women’s Basketball Tournament” would be a good tag for any of these posts? I am really curious.

So, I’ve written 2,475 words today. I can probably do more, but I think it’s time for a break. I’m 6,998 words behind. Maybe I can crank out another 2,000 words tonight. Just for kicks, I printed out what I have so far: 78 pages of absurdly large print. Handy for reading, but I think it’s time to set the font smaller. Total word count as of now: 19,764.