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At the urgings of a few people I have delved into the world of online dating. So far I’ve met a total of 0 people from it. After investigating a few women’s profiles I have to come to the realization of what the problem is and why I am so reviled by women of all kinds. It’s all due to being a fat smoker.

Last Saturday a friend of mine took me to All About Vapor in order to find me an electronic cigarette. The plan was to switch from regular old cigarettes to the electronic one in order to wean myself off the smoke stuff.

The thing about the electronic cigarette is that it doesn’t use smoke. Instead, it makes a vapor that is inhaled and delivering the nicotine. While it’s probably not healthy for you, it’s probably not as harmful as a cigarette since you’re not inhaling burning leaves and paper and getting a bunch of tar. The oils can also be flavored so you’re not stuck with a tobacco or menthol flavor. There’s a huge range of flavors available from regular tobacco to coffee to desserts to Mountain Dew.

My New Light Saber

My New Light Saber

Monday was the first day of going completely without a cigarette, relying completely on the e-cig. I think it went pretty well, except that I was using the thing nearly constantly. I figure this had more to do with habit than a nicotine craving. You see, there are various set times when I smoke: waking up with coffee, when I get into a car (which I’ve already curbed by not smoking in Dimples the Toxic Challenger), when I need a break at work, after meals, and before I go to sleep. Also, when I get ridiculously bored. The other problem is using a cigarette as a timer. You can only smoke a cigarette for a few minutes before it burns down and is gone. An e-cig can go for, oh, a few hours. So stepping outside to take a break for as long as a smoke lasts can be a very, very bad idea.

Tuesday was better. A lot of times the e-cig was used as a device to amuse my co-workers. Some think it looks like a light saber, others think it looks like the mind eraser from Men In Black, others think it looks like a pipe stem when I hold it and start using it to point at things. Personally, I think it looks like a crack pipe and that makes me a little nervous about using it in public. Mostly, though, I do use it as a pipe. I puff on it thoughtfully while having heavy thoughts.

Wednesday was fine. Although I did start the day with a real cigarette just to see what it would be like. It wasn’t very pleasant, really. I got all jittery and my tongue got kind of hurty. The battery lasted most of the day (for a change) and I only had to refill the fluid once during the day (yesterday I didn’t have to re-fill it at all because I left the oils at home).

Overall, I’m pleased. After a few more days I’ll feel confident enough to change my dating profile to be a non-smoker. I’m hoping my tastebuds will start working again, soon. It’s also good that I don’t have to worry about a lighter dying suddenly without having a backup on me.

So… So far so good, I reckon.