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Since I had such good luck with the clinical depression checklist I thought I’d see if there was anything else I was or wasn’t. This time around I’m going to go with the Satanic checklist. Without any further ado:

1) Abstract art (under hallucinogenic stimulus)

We’re off to a good start. I don’t do any kind of art nor do I do hallucinogenic stimulus. Not on purpose, anyway. Actually, I’m not sure what this has to do with Satanism.

2) Acupuncture

I don’t do acupuncture, either. Hell, I won’t take a medical needle if I can help it. But now you can be wary and know that if you’re seeing an acupuncturist he or she is probably a Satanist. You may want to check the office for abstract art that may have been done while on drugs.

3) Amulets (tigers claw, sharks tooth, horseshoe over door, mascots, talisman

Now I know that those sports teams come from Hell, just as I always suspected. And surfers? Definitely Satanists. Nothing here.

4) Automatic writing

Uh oh. I do this all the time. People are, like, “Sign here, please.” And I’m all, like, whatever, right? And sign my name. Without thinking about it! +1

5) Birth signs

I have a birth sign! +1=2

6) Black arts

Well, I think Lester Kern is a decent artist. And, frankly, I’m surprised because he has Christian paintings as well as African-centric art. I’m really not sure what this has to do with Satanism.  I guess this is a +1=3

7) Gothic rock music

Um. Sisters of Mercy and Bauhaus, so, yep. +1=4

8) Hard rock music – Kiss, Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones

Uh… Yep. +1=5

9) Most non-Christian Heavy metal and hard rock music – Slayer, Behemoth, AC/DC, Guns and Roses

Guilty. And now I have to see what Behemoth is all about. So, what? +1=6. Hmm.

10) Lucky charms

Oh. My. God! Yes, I’ve eaten Lucky Charms! +1=7

11) Mental therapy

Well, yes. I thought it was a good thing but now I see it’s just leading me down a deep, dark path. +1=8

12) Pagan religious objects, artifacts and relics

Oh no! It’s true! Christmas trees at Christmas! Yule logs! Eggs at Easter! I’m guilty! +1 = 9

13) Precognition

I totally do this. Like, I know which idiot is gong to cross three lanes of traffic in front of me to make his exit. I know what person will be driving really slow when I get behind them, and I know which line will start moving faster once I switch to another one. +1=10

14) Punk rock music

Guilty again. +1=11

Well, I need to stop here. The list I’m getting these from is about 20 pages long and can contain just about anything you can think of. So, there you go, I’m a clinically depressed occult using Satan worshiper. This is bad news, indeed.