I’ve made it clear that I don’t have a life. I’ve also made it clear that I possess a “smart phone.” I wondered, then, how could I use my phone to make it appear that I have a life? That I am popular? That I actually do stuff?

FACEBOOK

This is part one of two of the major players. Not only can I just make stuff up on Facebook but it also becomes a hub for the other, less major, players. No one can really deny it since nobody is near me to find out that it may not be true. As long as nobody moves to my area I can keep all the people on my friend list fooled that I have an awesome social life.

Since it is a hub, the other sites I’ll go through will post something spectacular here as well, which will make me look ‘busy.’ Very busy. As you can see from the screen shot my status is not questioned at all, despite not knowing anyone named Rondo, Morty, Liza, Pablo, Maria or Taggert. And I don’t have a Lamborghini Murcielago. And no one even mentioned that I couldn’t cram that many people in an Italian two-seater sports car. Beauty!

TWITTER

Twitter is the second half of the hub players. Just about everything I use will also be posted here. I know a total of two people that follow me on Twitter, and I don’t think they pay much attention so, again, there’s no one that can call me out.

FOURSQUARE

This is a heavy hitter. Essentially, you check in to a location where you’re at. You then get points, badges, and, if you’re lucky, “Mayorship” of that location. You then have the option to send that off to Facebook and Twitter, thus letting everyone know where you’re at.

The beauty of it is, I don’t think you need to be where you say you are. Thus, I can let people know I’m having a lovely dinner at Bess Bistro, or dancing it up at Graham Central Station (why?), or just hanging out at… someplace trendy. I can’t think of anything, which should explain why I need to resort to deception.

YELP

I use Yelp’s Android app and I’m not entirely sure why. It, too, has a check-in feature but they just give you a “Dukedom.” You can then alert your Facebook and Twitter friends.

Frankly, I have an issue with Yelp in that you actually do need to be where you say you are. In my case, with my phone’s GPS, that usually means Yelp tells me I’m too far away from the building I’m standing outside of to check in. I suppose I could solve that just by driving nearby a groovy place and then checking in.

GOOGLE+

The new kid on the block, Google+. They may have opened up for general consumption by now, I don’t know. Not many apps allow you to re-post over to g+ yet, but there are apps for iPhone and Androids that’ll let you post up a status.

GETGLUE

I have no idea why it’s called “GetGlue” but it is, essentially, the Foursquare of media. What you do is “check in” with what TV show you’re watching, or what movie you’re watching, or what music you’re listening to, and so on. You get to rate it, write a little status about it, and write a review if that strikes your fancy.

Even if I’m not doing anything I can flood Facebook and Twitter with all the things I’m watching on Netflix and Hulu, or what music I’m listening to, or hell, make things up so it looks like I’m watching super smart foreign films.

Like Foursquare, GetGlue gives you “stickers” for certain achievements. Unlike Foursquare, it seems they may actually mail you stickers if you get enough of them. I can’t verify this since I don’t even have ten friends to follow.

CONCLUSION

Actually, the list is kind of small. It seems like a lot more when I’m spending the morning with my mom in an area that doesn’t give me a very good signal. Needless to say, she gets quite agitated by me constantly checking in to different places  But I have to maintain this illusion of interesting. For my street cred. You know.

If you happen to know of any other apps that will send off interesting tidbits of my life to Facebook or Twitter, please go ahead and let me know.

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