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Something horrible may have happened.  Scientists may have shortened the life span of the universe, just by looking at it!  Once would have been bad enough, but you know how scientists are.

Scientist 1: Looks in scientific instrument, then does some calculations.  He looks ups up. Whoa! He looks into the instrument again and then does some more calculations.  [slapping a co-worker on the shoulder] Dude!  Check this out.

Scientist 2: What? He looks into the scientific instrument.
Scientist 1: Now finish these calculations.
Scientist 2: Scribbles a bit.  Whoa!  He repeats the process again.  Everytime we look at this stuff, the universe dies a little faster.  That’s awesome!
Scientist 1: Looks into the instrument and then away.  Hey, check it out, what am I? He keeps looking into and away from the instrument.  I’m a cigarette for the universe!
Scientist 1 & 2: Laughs
Scientist 2: Dude, we gotta tell Patty about this.  She’ll think it’s a gas.

So there’s no telling how long the universe has got now.  So, to fix it, I recommend doing the only logical thing:  Class action lawsuit.  Everybody in the world joins in and sues these scientists for… something.  Something big.  Then, if we’re patient, we all make a little bit of money.

I know this doesn’t make it right.  It certainly doesn’t fix anything.  But it does give us all a little bit of extra money, and I think that’s the American way.  Besides, think of your grandchildren and what kind of universe they’ll have to grow up in.

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