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It seems to me that one of the hardest aspect of getting older is watching the people around you fall away. I’ve lost friends due to attrition, moving, and laziness but I’ve never had anyone very close to me die. Three of my grandparents have passed away. Two of whom I didn’t see often, and one that I did see fairly often but, stupidly, distanced myself from.

Having just turned 39, I’m reaching that age when it becomes a very good possibility that people I know and love will pass away. I realize this is a rather morbid topic but I bring it up because the father of a friend of mine died yesterday. It’s something on the top of my mind right now.

Speaking of that, I know I’m a social retard, but I really don’t know what to say in situations like this. I’m always sorry to hear about someone dying, but I never really know how to say it. Maybe that doesn’t really matter, how it’s said, just so it is. I think if I were in that situation I’d probably be a bit lenient towards people.

Over the past few months I’ve been really questioning myself on what I’m doing, why I’m doing it, and other things. I’m not going to go into any details because they won’t make sense to anyone but me. This past week, in particular, brings up something about me that I’m not happy with at all. I’ve handled two things very badly and I’m not happy about either one. Sure, one of them turned out OK, but not because of anything that I’ve done. In essence, I feel like a deceiver and a failure.

But, as it’s just been pointed out to me, I have time to fix a few things. To re-evaluate myself. To re-invent myself, so to speak. Maybe it’s time to do that. Maybe it’s time to stop saying “maybe.”


I haven’t been paying much attention to the news or other blogs lately.  I’ve been neglecting quite a few things.  Time is at a premium these days.

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