Here’s an interesting news item for you cat lovers out there.
Genetic Research Leads To Cuter Cats
In an exciting development of genetic research, The Landry Institute has released news of their new experiments with cats. More specifically, with kittens.
“People love kittens,” said Dr. Landry. “They’re cute, they’re fluffy, they’re small. Watching them play is a joy. Even when they’re doing something destructive, they’re just as cute as buttons.”
Dr. Landry believes that his new development in genetic research will keep millions of cat lovers happy.
“Eventually the kitten owner notices that the little tyke isn’t so little anymore. The kitten has turned into a fat, lazy, destructive cat. Nobody gets a kitten thinking that they want a lazy, surly, genital licking cat,” explained Dr. Landry
The Landry Institute has developed a way that will keep a kitten a kitten. Forever. By snipping out certain links in the DNA chain the growth and maturity of a kitten is stunted.
“Using our research, kittens will stay kittens. Always cute and lovable.”
Does this mean that the kitten will live forever, not aging?
“Ah, sadly, no,” says Dr. Landry. “The kitten will still have about the same life span. However, working with partners involved in the cloning industry we have come up with a solution. The kitten needs to be brought in for regular checkups. When we determine that the kitten is near the end of its life cycle, it’s cloned. When the clone is ready and the kitten is brought in for another checkup, it’s replaced. The owner need never know that the little fellow was switched. It is, in effect, immortal.”
What does the future hold for the Landry Institute?
“We’re pretty sure we can do the same thing for puppies,” said Dr. Landry. “And we’d like to do the same with human babies,” he continued. “But we’re having legal issues there, for some reason.”
“People love babies. They’re cute, they’re small and adorable. Watching them play is a joy, even when they’re doing something destructive. They’re cute as buttons,” Dr. Landry explained. “But nobody has a baby keeping in mind that they’re going to grow up into fat, lazy, surly teenagers. Granted, they don’t lick their genitals as much, but still.”