Snack Food Review: Oreo Cakester

I like Oreo cookies.  I know they’re not the original (that would be the Hydrox even though it sounds like an industrial cleaner) but I like them just the same.

Now the taste of the Oreo cookie comes to you in the guise of a

cake.  It’s kind of like a Hostess cupcake but without the top icing, and with the creme filling visible. Okay, two cupcake-like things sandwiching the creme.  The same kind of creme you get in a Twinkie or cupcake, not the kind you get in an Oreo cookie.

And that, my friends, is the Oreo Cakester.

They come in two flavors: regular and chocolate creme.  They both taste kind of the same, though.  Which is okay, because they taste pretty good.  They’re not dry at all, so they go down nicely.  They’d probably taste better with a glass of milk.  Even a plastic of milk.

My biggest issue, though, is that the tops don’t have the Oreo name and design stamped on them.  I think that’s a horrible oversight and should be remedied.

Strawberry Milkshake Trilogy

Strawberry milkshakes are in style.  After sampling a Strawberry Milkshake Pop-Tart, I tried the Strawberry Milkshake Oreo cookie.  Finally, I can complete this trilogy with the Strawberry Milkshake Whopper.

I like Whoppers.  I don’t think I would go out of my way to get any, but if one were offered I would graciously accept.  I also like strawberry milkshakes.  The real ones that come in a cup or glass.  What could go wrong?

Not much, really.  Out of the three strawberry flavored items, I think I liked the Whoppers the best.  Probably because they can be taken in small doses. 

They still look weird, though, being pale pink and spheroid.  My co-workers wouldn’t touch them even after I asked them to try sucking on my small pink balls. 

Anyway, they’re not as sweet and over-powering like the Pop-Tarts.  They almost taste like strawberry, being slightly less Quik flavored than the Oreo’s.  And you can still bite them in half and let your tongue dissolve them from the inside out.

They also have them in a funky retro-looking package.  Evidently Hershey’s has been releasing a few of their candies with retro packaging.  It’s neat.

Dr Pepper Indiana Jones Contest Stuff

The Dr Pepper site is working again so I entered in my four caps this morning.  Three of them had “uwin” at the bottom so I knew I won something. 

This is what I got for my three “uwins:”  a screen saver (the same screen

saver I won before), a screen saver (the same screen saver I won before), and a wallpaper picture (which is the same picture that’s on the screen saver).

Now, I don’t want to seem ungrateful but the whole purpose of a contest is to get something that’s worth more than what you’re paying for.  But of course, the chances are stacked against you so you end up paying a lot of money to win something.  In the end, you may end up behind rather than ahead.  But in terms of one item, the prize should be worth more.  I pay a dollar for a 20oz Dr Pepper.  I expect a prize to be of equal (another Dr Pepper) or greater value (Lamborghini Muira).

This screen saver and wall paper don’t cut it.  In fact, Dr Pepper shouldn’t even be annoyed if someone puts them both on their website because it’s just additional advertising for Dr Pepper.  I’d be happier if they mailed me a poster.

Still, I suppose they didn’t have to have a contest at all.

Oh, and why am I entering in the ones without “uwin” at the bottom?  Because I’m a clever bastard and if I were running the contest I would have all the crappy prizes be given away with the caps that say “uwin.”  Then people would get accustomed to having “uwin” mean you win something.  And I would put all the good prizes on the caps that didn’t have the “uwin” so people wouldn’t bother entering them.  Then I’d take all the left over prizes that are never claimed and live the good life.

Hah.

Strawberry Milkshake Saga: Oreo

A few of you might remember that I was less than enthusiastic about the Strawberry Milkshake Pop-Tarts.  In short, I thought they were way too sweet and they didn’t taste very good at all.

My mom graciously donated a package of Strawberry Milkshake Creme flavored Oreo’s so that I could try them out.

Since it actually does say “Limited Edition” on the package, I ripped it open right away.

The cookies look like Oreo’s, of course.  The only difference being that the inside is pink instead of white.  I really can’t say anything bad about them.  They aren’t my favorite cookie, but they don’t make me want to throw up and give the rest of the package away, either.  They are quite sweet, though.  Almost too sweet, but the cookie part mixes well with it so it’s not overwhelming.  Overall it tastes a lot like Strawberry Quik.  You could probably make your own “Strawberry Milkshake” anything if you had a canister of Nestle Strawberry Quik.

On Being Cocky

One thing you should never do is brag, unless you’re willing to follow through with what you’re bragging about.  One should probably not brag for the sole purpose of being jealous someone else is taking a four day weekend, either.

In my case, I was wondering what I should make for dinner the other night.  I was wondering aloud.  In front of two people who were obviously hungry before lunch.  I mentioned that I was going to make a variation of Chicken Kiev.

Before I go on, I should clarify my use of the word, “variation.”  Anybody that knows me knows that I basically make things up in the kitchen.  Usually it doesn’t turn out the way I wanted it to; sometimes it works out better than I thought it would.  On this occassion I made a mixture of butter and garlic and a mixture of ricotta and parmesan cheese with Italian herbs.  Then I wrapped a chicken breast around it, rolled it in bread crumbs, and dropped it into some hot oil.

So, I was bragging because I really didn’t think I could make a Chicken Kiev, but the idea intrigued me.  On the way home I bought what I needed to make my idea of it.

Everything went well, actually, until it came time to fry it.  I made a test chicken first.  Actually, I don’t always just make things up.  Sometimes I look around to see how things are done first.  As far as I could tell, nobody actually tells you how to roll the chicken around the mixture.  In restaurants, I’ve seen it look as if the cook just injected the stuff in a chicken breast.  It wasn’t at all obvious that the breast had been pounded flat and rolled up.  Mine looked like a deep-fried turd.  It also kind of came apart, but was still together enough to look like a turd.

With the second breast, I tried something a little different.  I wrapped it more like a burrito by tucking in the sides first (to keep the cheesy goodness inside) and then rolled it up.  I must not have held on to it well enough in the fryer because when it came out it had opened up, but it was stuck in the shape of a bowl.  Kind of neat, but not what I was looking for.  I have to say, though, that while I’ve seen bowls made out of tortilla’s, I’ve never seen a chicken bowl (or a house fly).

In both cases, though, my guinea pigs — I mean kids — tried it out.  I went to two, seperately.  Both looked at them in digust and asked what it was.  Both tasted it (these kids will try just about any new food!), and both deemed it tasty enough to eat for dinner.  Ugly, but with a tasty interior.  Chef Ramsey would have a stock pot over my head and beating it with a metal spoon for making such an ugly dish.

Now, the bad part about the bragging is that I was dared to bring it in on Wednesday so these two people could have a taste.  I don’t actually feel up to making it again, but I don’t want to be seen as an empty blowhard.

Maybe I’ll just make up a bunch of it and serve it to everyone at work.  Maybe I’ll just keep my mouth shut and hope that everyone forgets I ever mentioned it.

In case anyone is interested, I served it over spaghetti with some jar sauce (Cabernet Marinara, I forget what brand) and some sauteed squash and zucchini.  Just for kicks, I took a small amount of both of those and breaded them and tossed them in the hot oil, too.  They tasted pretty good that way.

New Buffet Charging Scheme

Here in Austin there are several buffet places.  There are the Chinese food buffet’s that serve all-you-can-eat Chinese food, and places like Sirloin Stockade that generally serve all-you-can-eat American type food (except there’s no hot dogs or hamburgers).  These places generally charge by person and age, so kids under 12 pay less than an adult.  They aren’t especially cheap, but the beauty of it is that you can eat like a heifer until you feel as if you’ve gotten your money’s worth.

There’s been some drawbacks due to this type of business model. For instance, in Houma, Louisiana, two large gentlemen were reportedly kicked out of a Chinese buffet because they were eating too much.  Another incident had to do with parents being upset because they were paying by their kids height rather than their age.

Obviously the thing to do is to pay by weight.  Weigh people when they come in, weigh them when they leave, and charge them the difference.  The only drawback I could see to that is the bathrooms.  It’s against to law to close them off, but you’d still have to worry about people who purge,  at either end. 

Free Dr Pepper for Everyone?

I’m a little late with this, but apparently the Dr Pepper people pledged Peppers to every American if Guns & Roses releases their long-stalled album this year.

In fact, I didn’t know about it all until I heard it on the radio a week or so ago. Then I promptly forgot about it. Then I was reminded again by a friend of mine who thought I should write about it. So I am.

What I find confusing is that using Google, I can’t find any information from the Dr Pepper people themselves. In fact, I can find many references about this but none come from the Dr Pepper company.

Maybe I’m just not looking in the correct place, but I would think it would be pretty prominent on the Dr Pepper web site.

It would be quite interesting to see how they would manage it. And it would be nice to see another Guns n’ Roses album. Maybe it’ll work.

VMFR: Burger King Ketchup & Fries

Thank you for being here for another installment of Vending Machine Food Review. Today we bring you the remarkable taste of “Burger King Ketchup & Fries.”

First, the packaging. The product comes in a 1.75oz bag. In the bag, the product takes up less than 1/3 of the bag. Contents shift during shipping and all that. Also, despite it being in a bag, the text assures me that I can “HAVE IT YOUR WAY.” I don’t see how that’s possible, since it’s a pre-packaged food.

Opening the bag, one is immediately hit by the scent of ketchup. It’s quite amazing. The snacks themselves are made of potato, according to the ingredients. They look like flat french fries covered in red dust.

When you eat one, two things come immediately to mind:

1) They don’t taste anything like french fries. They kind of taste like re-constituted potato snacks.

2) It tastes like they’re covered in ketchup.

Point #2 is remarkable because, again according to the ingredients, there is nothing even remotely resembling a tomato involved in the creation of these snacks. Somehow they got the power of ketchup into a dust.

When all the chips, I mean fries, are gone you’re left with a sack full of red ketchup dust. As an experiment I tipped the sack of dust into my mouth and let it sit there. After it gained enough moisture it was almost like sucking on a ketchup packet.

Well done.

A word on Oreo Cookies: Strawberry Milkshake

Evidently there’s a lot of Strawberry Milkshake creme out in the world today. I was walking through Wal*Mart and saw a package of Strawberry Milkshake Oreo cookies. It’s a limited edition. A limited edition cookie. I did a quick search on the web and it appears that some people find the taste agreeable.

I also saw that at least one person was auctioning off packages on eBay. If you’re really that desperate for a cookie, try your local Wally World first.

I’m almost tempted to buy a package to see

if it tastes as bad as the Pop-Tart. Almost. In the same way that you have to look at an accident, or taste that plastic fruit that looks so real.

I had a better idea, though. If you’re in the mood for something that tastes like a strawberry shake, go and get a strawberry shake.

Henry David Thoreau once said:

As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.
Henry David Thoreau

And, like the learning humans we are, we threw that advice out the window. Instead of taking a tasty (if unhealthy) snack and enjoying it as it is, we have to throw in a lot of crap in the interest of making it interesting and, in the process, less palatable.

Oreo’s are good (not as good as the cookie they were copied from, say some), Pop-Tarts with simple flavors are good. Hell, even coffee, real coffee, is good and doesn’t need syrups and junk dumped into it.

We just need to make them more and more complicated. Why?

A word on Pop-Tarts: Strawberry Milkshake

Kellogg’s now has enough different flavors of Pop-Tarts that I think I could review a flavor a week and last out the year.  Maybe a review a day.  I don’t think I could handle that, though.I’m a big fan of Pop-Tarts.  Chocolate Fudge, Strawberry, Blueberry, even Brown Sugar Cinnamon. You know, the classics.Now they’ve got a whole slew of things like S’mores, Frosted Cookies and Cream, Hot Chocolate, Hot Fudge Sundae, a line of whole grain flavors, and Splitz, which are two flavors in one pastry.They also have a flavor called “Strawberry Milkshake.”  

This morning I had the opportunity to sample the “Strawberry Milkshake” flavor.  Bear in mind that I love Pop-Tarts.  I’m one of the few people that admit to liking Pop-Tarts.  Pop-Tarts, if you’ll stretch a comparison, is like pornography: everyone says they don’t like it, yet it continues to make quadrabillions of dollars every year.So, to get back to the tasting, this flavor is quite vile.  According to the web site you could try them frozen.  I had mine at room temperature.  I can’t even imagine what it would taste like if it were toasted.  Sometimes, though, if  you eat it just right it kind of tastes like Nestle’s Strawberry Quik.  But that’s kind of rare. What’s worse is how it looks.  It doesn’t look like a strawberry shake; it looks like pale pink, solidified semen.  Well, it’s kind of gooey, even at room temperature.  So maybe just pale pink semen. Maybe it’s because I’m old, but Pop-Tarts, the ‘exotic’ flavored ones, seem way too sweet to me.  Most of the time they don’t taste like what the boxes are labeled, they just taste like sugar.  Perhaps I’m just getting too old to enjoy Pop-Tarts.